In just a few hours I'll be heading home to Sydney for six weeks. As an expat and traveler one of the hardest travel decisions I've had to make is spending money and more importantly valuable vacation days, to go back "home". For four years I have made plans to visit Sydney then postponed them, frustrating my friends and family by opting to go on more exciting adventures to places I have craved to see, to places I have never been before, places that add to my goal of seeing every country in the world.
But four years is a long time to be away from the people you love and the place you spent most your life. And I am excited to see all my family and friends, especially the ones I haven't seen in years, I am excited to revisit all my favorite hang outs and restaurants, to try new restaurants, to swim in Sydney's beautiful beaches and I'm excited to see the city from a new perspective.
And yet I'm also anxious about seeing the city from a new perspective. I never liked living in Sydney, dealing with racism on an almost daily basis made me bitter, never fitting in made me seek out new places to live. But leading up to the visit I find myself asking the same questions, will I like it more now? After all my experiences and travels I am far more self assured, or will I find I have outgrown it even more? Especially after adopting a European lifestyle and attitude so thoroughly?
Reading and listening to other expat stories I have noticed their experiences are the same, expats find them selves disillusioned when back home, and how can you not? after months/years of experiences of seeing and trying new things, going back home must surely be one huge anticlimax.
It's going to be an interesting six weeks, and it's going to be fun (and quite possibly frustrating) trying to get answers to my questions and uncovering more about where it is in the world I really fit in and want to be, it's such an exotic problem to solve, and the reality is that I love that these are the questions I'm trying to find answers to, it's pretty great to be a traveler and expat.
But four years is a long time to be away from the people you love and the place you spent most your life. And I am excited to see all my family and friends, especially the ones I haven't seen in years, I am excited to revisit all my favorite hang outs and restaurants, to try new restaurants, to swim in Sydney's beautiful beaches and I'm excited to see the city from a new perspective.
And yet I'm also anxious about seeing the city from a new perspective. I never liked living in Sydney, dealing with racism on an almost daily basis made me bitter, never fitting in made me seek out new places to live. But leading up to the visit I find myself asking the same questions, will I like it more now? After all my experiences and travels I am far more self assured, or will I find I have outgrown it even more? Especially after adopting a European lifestyle and attitude so thoroughly?
Reading and listening to other expat stories I have noticed their experiences are the same, expats find them selves disillusioned when back home, and how can you not? after months/years of experiences of seeing and trying new things, going back home must surely be one huge anticlimax.
It's going to be an interesting six weeks, and it's going to be fun (and quite possibly frustrating) trying to get answers to my questions and uncovering more about where it is in the world I really fit in and want to be, it's such an exotic problem to solve, and the reality is that I love that these are the questions I'm trying to find answers to, it's pretty great to be a traveler and expat.
3 comments:
Great post.
I have similar feelings related with Portugal.
I think it is a very common feeling when you leave your country, as well when you start knowing new places, countries, cultures,...
I'm looking forward to reading about your experiences. I've not lived in my native Holland for decades, although I visit regularly, and yes, once you've adopted another, foreign life, "home" will never be the same again. But it can still be good, and fun and very interesting to go back and see your own country with different eyes. You WILL have "different eyes," as you already know.
Im glad to read you again. Thanks for this post. Best for you Buddy!
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